The Five love Langauges

Do you know your love language? Do you know the love language of the people you love? Yesterday, I had a chance to talk about this topic with the youth of CCF davao. The five love languages is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Below is the content of my presentation.

I. Introduction

a. About love

 Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships.” 

 Inside every person is an `emotional tank' waiting to be filled with love. When a person really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the person will misbehave.

b. The Commandment to love

 Jesus Christ wanted love to be the distinguishing characteristic of his followers

 John 13:34-35-“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another.  Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

c. Discover your love language

LOVE LANGUAGE QUIZ

Please rank in order the five statements according to how you feel loved the most (1 is the highest and 5 is the lowest

____I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, for the simple, everyday things I do.

____I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.

____I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love.

____I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands (photocopy, paying bills) or taking part on my household chores (or finishing my projects).

____ I feel especially loved when a person expresses feeling for me through physical contact.

II. Love Language Descriptions

The sequence of description is the same with the sequence of items in the quiz. Therefore if you have marked item number one as your rank 1 then you will have description 1 (a) as your primary love language. The one you rank no 2 is your secondary.

a. Words of affirmation

You have chosen words of affirmation as your primary love language. You feel loved when another person tells you that he or she values you as a person and appreciates your special way with the most ordinary tasks.

What are the kinds of words we can use to affirm them?

Warm-hearted

Optimistic

Real

Diverse

Specific

b. Quality Time

You have chosen quality time as your primary love language. You feel closest to another person when you receive focused attention.

How can we give quality time to them?

Totally focus attention

Involved in deep conversation

Move away from destruction

Engage in enjoyable activity

c. Receiving Gifts

You have chosen receiving gifts as your primary love language. Tangible expressions of love assure you that the other person is not only thinking of you, but that he or she cares enough to show it.

How significance gift is?

Gives Extra Worth 

Imprints Memories

Fosters Closeness (Intimacy)

Touches Hearts

Symbolizes love

d. Acts of Service

You have chosen Acts of Service as your primary love language. You feel most loved when someone helps you carry out your responsibilities.

What kind of services can we give?

Accommodating

Caring

Teaching

Supporting

e. Physical Touch

You have chosen Physical Touch as your primary love language. You feel most loved when you literally make contact with another person. You enjoy being embraced and feeling another’s touch.

What are the forms of appropriate Physical Touch?

Tap in the back for comfort

Open arms for security

Unclenched fist for welcoming

Cool handshakes for celebration

Hugs and Kisses for Greetings

III. The Love Language of God

a. God  Affirms us as the reflection of His image

Genesis 1:26

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, [b] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.

b. God Spends Time watching over us

Hebrews 13:5b

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

c. God gave His Son as a gift for us

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

d. God sent Jesus to serve us

Mark 10: 45

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

e. God welcomes us in His loving Arms

Isaiah 40:11

He tends his flock like a shepherd:  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

IV. Concluding Suggestions

a. Speak your love language

b. Learn to speak the love language of others

c. Experience the love of God everyday

My Wounded Feet

Yesterday, I had the privilege to enjoy a free day tour at bali-bali beach resort. It was a great way to celebrate holiday with one of the families in the church who had their relative on vacation here in the Philippines.

While taking a break from a short snorkeling session, I was playing around with a kid. He was wearing his googles and trying to view what's on the deep . I wanted to teased him so I was moving my feet up near to place where he wanted to take a view. When he recognized my feet, I put it down and it hit a coral. It was painful and blood was starting to come out. It wasn't really that serious but it made me decide to stay away from the beach and do something else.

I didn't really feel any pain and had enjoyed the rest of the day playing around, swimming, singing and eating. Even when I got home, I still had managed to meet my cell group. Even when I was ready to sleep, I didn't feel serious pain.

However, when I woke up this morning, I felt a little pain especially when I wore my slippers and I could not walk straightly. "How much more if I'm going to wear my shoes?" I began to ask myself and concluded that it would really be painful. I started to entertain the necessity of just staying home.

 I know that I have set some appointments in the counseling center and I need to be there. But I have decided to take a good rest today. I could not keep on thinking about others needs but deprive myself of my need to rest and revitalize my strength and energy. I could have forced myself to go out and meet my clients but at the end of the day, would suffer the pain of my self negligence. The truth is, I need to take good care of myself so I can give better care for others.

As I reflected upon this experience, I believe that my wound had served a divine purpose. It made me realized that to keep on becoming an effective instrument of healing, I need to take good care of my own wounds no matter how little they are. My wound on my feet was not really that serious but it made me decide to cancel my appointments for the day.  Added to that, I may need to allow others to take care of my wounds if taking care of it alone would not bring out the necessary healing anymore. 

I thank God for allowing this wound in my feet to teach me wonderful lessons in life. I know it's in the process of healing. Eventually its little scars would remind me to use my feet responsibly; to stay home when I shouldn't be moving around, and to move out and fulfill my purpose when God tells me to go.

A True Friend

I am a relational type person. I love to be around with people, I love the thrill that I feel when I am relating with my friends and I enjoy the opportunity of meeting and connecting with new people. That's why people often see me moving around in a party or gathering.

One time I was asked if I ever had a best friend. I seemed to enjoy whomever I get around with, so may be I have a lot. But if it's best, then it couldn't be many. I think I had been through many "best friends" in my life at different times. Interestingly, the way I view friendship before in comparison to my perspective right now had changed.

When I was asked with the question, I had names in my mind, but I don't label them as best friends right now although they fall into that category basing on how we treated each other. I love to call them as my true friends. True friends because they were...

T-rue. They don't hang around with me just because they wanted to get something from me. They have been there for me in different seasons. They mean what they say and they say what they mean because they want me to grow.

R-espectful. They don't force me to do something or manipulate my emotions. They respect my boundaries and honor my decisions. We've learned to enjoy each others differences and we continue to desire that we will live out our destiny in God and fulfill His purposes for our lives.

U-nconditionally Loving. They were committed to love me despite of my weaknesses, failures and tendencies. They might not have expressed that verbally, but their presence and their willingness to listen to my stories had shown that love to me. We may have some fights and misunderstandings as human beings, but we seek to forgive and love one another.

E-difying. They build my life up through their trust and confidence on my capacities. But more than that they were committed to pray for me because they trust God to fulfill His best plans for me. Their commitment to follow God had also served as an encouragement to me. The care, the accountability and the warm company means so much to me as I move forward to follow God wholeheartedly.

I'm sure there's a lot more to describe how they had been true friends to me. I desire that I would always be true to them as the Lord helps me. I may not be the best of their friends, but I can be their true friend. They may not be my best of friends but their being "true friend" is more than enough for me. Most importantly, I will never lose sight of God as my ever true friend.

Coming of Age

The baby is now a lady! This statement brings with it the excitement, the joy and the merriment of coming of age from being a girl to becoming a woman. In the Philippines, we call this celebration as "debut". When a young lady turns 18, the parents usually offer a special celebration for their former little girl. The celebration varies. With those who can afford an elaborate party, they usually have elegant celebrations in the hotels. Others, do the celebration in their own house, usually outside the house for bigger and open space. But still others, didn't have the chance to do this kind of celebration for different reasons.

As a young adult working with young people, I had many opportunities to witness the coming of age of our youth in the church and at times  among the christian community here in Davao City. I could not count how many times I have been to debut parties. Sometimes, I came as an escort of the debutante, many times I was included in the list of their 18 roses. But lately, I didn't get those kind of roles anymore. Instead I would always be asked to be the host. Although being a host of a party can be challenging, I found myself enjoying it. I like the privilege of thinking creatively on how to make the celebration a meaningful and special one not just for the debutant but for everyone.

The last celebration I hosted was last saturday night. It was the debut of one of our youth in the church held at rancher's grill. It wasn't really an elaborate celebration but a simple and heartfelt one. The parents sincerely intended the celebration to be a "passage to womanhood ceremony" where the debutante's parents released her to womanhood with blessings and prayers. The celebration was centered on God. God was the star of the party because of the different testimonies on how God used the debutante to touch the lives of her friends. The debutant herself concluded the party by sharing her Bible reading for that day. It was so interesting because the original plan was to end with "party dancing" but it end up with praising to the Lord.

Indeed it was a celebration of life, love and God. The coming of age does not only pertains to the numbers but to the number of years of God's faithfulness of making life's existence meaningful and filled with purpose.

The Adventure of Letting Go

It's not surprising for me anymore every time I hear a friend leaving or moving to a new place. I truly understood that each one has his or her own destiny to fulfill in life that only God clearly knows. But it doesn't mean that I am becoming immune to the unpleasant feeling of letting go of people who has been a part of my journey. 

This week, I have two friends who will be moving out from Davao. The first one is a member of my cell group. I met him when he was in college and shared the gospel to him. He grew in His relationship with God and became one of our youth leaders in the church. I witness how the Lord had changed him and used him. However, the Lord had opened an opportunity for Him to work in the Middle east and he is now preparing his way to go there. I am happy for him. I know that as much as I want to keep him here so we can do ministry together, God has a better plan for him

The second one is like a brother to me. He has been my computer mentor especially with my macbook. I met him when he was in high school and did bible study with him and his friends. Although his spiritual feeding had been through his church, we still had kept in touch and had regularly updated each other's life journey. I also witnessed how the Lord had worked in his life and how he had become a blessing to others and to me.  Now that he had  graduated in college, he sensed the need to be trained so that he will be maximized for God's Kingdom. He will be leaving for manila on sunday to be trained in Campus Crusade for Christ where both of his parents are missionaries. I am so excited as the Lord is starting to unfold His great plans for him. 

I thank the Lord for giving me opportunities to journey with these friends. I thank Him for the comfort I feel in knowing that He is there to lead us to where He wants us to go and grow. I thank Him for the adventure of letting go, the excitement of expecting the next He will do and the confidence of trusting Him so.

with me here is hesedel the one who will join CCC training